trapped in the ocean

It’s exactly like you being trapped underwater. You believe that, you’re stuck to the ocean floor and cannot float up unless something anchors you up. So a friend throws a yellow rope down for you to grip and lift you up. You with joy hold on tight and begin ascending. The higher you climb, the higher your hopes and anticipations. The journey is long to the surface and the friend gets tired and his/herself get weak. They loosen the rope and maybe drop it completely. You start plunging down again…

“NOOOOOO!!” you scream.

The pangs of anger, hurt, gloomy anticipation of returning to the darkness overwhelm you. No matter how hard you curse and swear the old sea floor is watching silently.

You begin to realize that screaming won’t help.

One of those days, you spot a red rope dangling above your head. AHA! “Yes, this is my chance” you exclaim!

You cautiously tug on the red rope. It is slightly unstable but you don’t care, just as long as you get up from this lonely abode. You begin to climb. You’re ascending at high speed. Wow! This is just great! So smooth flowing and fast! But the lover pulling you up with the red rope loses heart. Their hearts are possessed again by some other drowned soul. So they leave the rope limp and you being to plunge back down in darkness.

The anger comes back double the strength as before. You injure the plants around you. The water overhead becomes murky from your fury.

You lash about; cursing the misfortune you’re in.

No friends can pull you up

No lovers can pull you up

What will?

Family surely!

You await that green rope to drop over your head and it does.

“This time, it’s mum and dad, they’ll never let go! They’ll keep holding on until the end of time for me! They love me more than anyone else. The only humans that sincerely care.”

Childish elation fills your heart and as you scramble up the rope. Tears stream down your face ‘how grateful I am, how privileged I am’

It takes long for you to climb. Despite your relief you sense the rope strings getting flimsy and thin.

Every inch you ascend the rope gets more worn out.

‘Mum! Dad!’ you shout.

‘We’re holding on for you dear’ they shout back from above

‘Oh thank goodness!’ you heave

But mum and dad are getting old, frail and weak. They can’t pull you up like when you were a kid. Their hair has gone gray and their loving eyes have become enveloped in wrinkles.

You watch them struggling to pull you up

 Abruptly, the rope snaps. Parents are not here forever to pull you up.

You grieve…you’ve lost the only hope you had.

Tears aren’t enough now.

The doors have closed. The lonely ocean floor groans and continues to darken every advancing hour.

And you, alone…in grief.

WHY ME?! You scream

GOD!!! WHY ME?!

THIS ISN’T FAIR!!!

WHY GOD WHY?!

You spend the next few days with head cradled in your hands, imagining you were super man/woman…imagining you had all you ever wanted. Imagining you were supreme and all powerful.

But those dreams, burst, as surely as the bubbles of the ocean do.

Your heart has become bitter and cold. You don’t care about life anymore; in fact, you don’t care whether you get saved or not. Nothing seems to matter.

When family, friends and lovers can’t pull you up then who can?

The ocean itself?

The ocean is but a mass of water.

God?

But you’ve sworn and cursed. You’ve denied the blessings and were too busy thinking about how you can get out. You’ve been seeking yourself for too long now, how could God listen to you?

Try…

And you try.

“OH GOD…forgive me!  Forgive me…save me! If you save me, I will be forever thankful!”

You wait for a golden rope.

Or some mystical creature to dive in and lift you up into the sky

You look around you…nothing has changed.

The ocean floor sighs as usual. And you are more sunken than before.

‘It didn’t work!’ you exclaim, disappointed

‘I’ll try tomorrow.’

Nothing worked

‘I’ll try tomorrow I guess’

Nothing worked

‘I’ll try tomorrow’

This continued on for a week.

You’d look up at the vastness of the ocean above you and call out for God. But it didn’t work.

“YAAAA RAB!” You scream with impatience, “WHY ARE YOU NOT LISTENING TO ME?!”

Your voice echoed and returned back to you in waves.

You sat down on the ocean floor, obviously in anguish.

You take a look at your shoes, which have gone bluish green with algae colonies. You try to lift one foot up, it’s overwhelmingly heavy.

You begin to wipe away at the algae to reveal the shoe laces. Beginning to untie them you realize that your shoes were the ones making you heavy. You detach the right foot, and suddenly it has life of its own! It’s no longer stapled to the ocean floor. Hurriedly you detach the left foot.

You heart dances with joy! You begin to float…up up up.

Without a rope

Hope drenches every crevice of your soul! As you ascend up up up your feet nimbly propelling you. Your hands frantically waving and swooping.

This is like flying! You are free! Free and soon the air is going to hit your lungs.

UP UP UP!

Oh so close to air

Oh so close to freedom

For the first time in a long time you see sunlight drenching the holy water.

Sunlight!

But you are longing for that gulp of air.

You need air to breathe

So close!

Just a few meters to go!

Your skin is cyanosed with desire for air

Engorged neck veins pulsate

You claw at the water

‘YES YES YES, I’m close!!’ you cry out

Those feeble legs begin to tire

Those arm muscles begin to spasm

You’re not as young as you were before

Your heart begins to quiver

Your lungs bubble and splutter

You’re getting weaker and weaker

But desire is strong.

You just HAVE TO reach that top NOW

Consciousness is slipping away from you

Slipping away…

Your body struggles on

But somehow you can see your  body as separate from you.

You see yourself flailing in the powerful waters

How close you are to the surface

Oh so nearly.. nearly.. nearly

You observe your body spastically flutter

You observe your head lifting above the waves

You see the sun beaming down

Gasping for air, like a fish lifted out of water

Air air air!

Finally! Freedom!

Blue skies, green trees, pure air.

This is too good to be take in

But you never lived long to see it

Life is short.