Salamualikum

"In the ocean of life the isles of blessedness are smiling and the sunny shore of your ideal awaits your acoming....In the bark of your soul reclines the commanding master; he does but sleep: wake him."

Thursday, July 2, 2015

Blood Bank and Wild horses.

Today was the first day of the most overrated and exaggerated rotations in internship. Internal medicine. People speak of it and try to avoid it as if it's the plague, just by hearing about it.
Typically, because I live in my own mental bubble and because I frankly distrust the opinions of experiences of other people, I just took internal medicine as any rotation I ever start; with optimism, good will and a willingness to just do well, whatever the circumstances.
And alhamdulilah more times than not, I am pleased to discover that within every wreck is a treasure, or something useful you could do or something to add value to.
Let's speak about my enlightening journey to the blood bank today. I had requested a bag of packed RBCs earlier for a patient of mine with chronic renal failure and a hemoglobin level of 6.3g/dL. I walked out of the hospital with my sky-blue icebox (which in fact contains no ice) and the patient's admission sheets and an intention to go get it.
After walking across the bridge and into the main gates and then towards the main hospital to enter the new emergency hospital and finally to the blood bank, it took a little bit of energy, but nevertheless my spirits were still intact.
I walked in and the technician was busy sampling several specimens of blood, grouping them. I looked into the see-through doors of the fridge and found that the blood I had booked was sitting there, innocently and quietly waiting for me to receive it.
My brain immediately said "well, why am I waiting?? the blood bag I'm here for is sitting right there! I could just go grab it..or at least the technician should stop what he's doing and get it for me. It's right there, it wont take him time. He can stop sampling the other blood and just get me my stuff, then go back to his thing"
I started to feel impatience rise up in my esophagus, the same way hydrochloric acid crawls up stealthily. I began to tap my fingers on the table.
"come on dude! I'm in a hurry! I need my stuff! I'm hungry and I'm tired and I need to get that patient her blood!"
Of course, that was all mental conversation. My affect was perfectly serene externally.
The technician continued patiently with the blood grouping, moving at a steady rate.
Then, at some moment a thought struck me. Or rather, an internal voice, whom I'm coming to realize is probably my superego.
"Wegdan, what the hell do you think you're doing? Do you think that you're at the centre of the world? Just because you're here and you need something doesn't mean that the world should stop and do things for you. The technician wont stop his sampling just to serve you...and he shouldn't. You arrived while he was in the middle of something, he should finish what he's doing...there are other people he's serving too. You definitely aren't the most important thing in this place...."
I realized that I'd forgotten something very important. That in this life, its a bit like a theatre. And everyone's an actor. On stage, everyone has his limelight moment...a time for them to recite their lines. Everyone has a role somewhere. In that blood bank I was not the starring character and it wasn't my turn to receive my limelight, why the hell am I expecting to get served and get the attention at the time when it's not for me?
I realized that I should wait. I should wait for the other actors to receive their fair share of light, just as I would like to receive mine. and no matter how much I'm BURSTING to say my lines, I cant. It would be immature and unfair. And the whole production would be a mess.
I needed to stop thinking that the world revolved around me...and that I am entitled to special care.
A sense of entitlement or inflated importance is one of the most fatal and tragic beliefs one could have. No, you arent special. No, the world wont stop for you. No, you must wait. No, you arent the star of the show. You are just like everyone else and you need to realize that in order to be treated fairly you must be willing to treat others fairly.
And this has nothing to do with a corrupt system which is inherently unfair.
It's unfair? Let it be unfair. However, do not trample on others' rights.
You need to stand there, and when its time for your turn to recite, do it full heartedly.


I came home and after receiving some interesting news, which initially made me feel impatient because it involved me waiting for a certain amount of time before something I've been planning for could happen. I reminded myself of my experience in the blood bank. My father at this point in time was the actor on the stage and it was his turn to recite his lines. It wasn't my turn. It was his turn and because it was his turn, he was entitled to do whatever he wanted.
I had to wait. Even if I didn't like it, I had to wait. It would only be fair.
Even if you release your wildest horses to trample on the scenery on stage...I wont do anything to stop it because it is not my time. When it is my turn to act, I will do what I want.
But for now, I'll wait.








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