In
this theory we classify any human relationship strength as either being
primarily determined by time or by depth.
Those
relationships that are based on duration are like those with our family
members. We are close to them simply because we spend a large proportion of our
time with them. They are a relative constancy in our lives, and though we may
not share with them all the secrets of our adult lives, we still consider them
close, simply because of the time factor. During this time, our threads are
interwoven into the fabric of their lives and vice versa.
I
can recall some friendships of mine that are simply present just because we
spend a lot of time together. Even if this time spent, is used in talking about
menial, ordinary and even shallow things…these
relationships tend to be very durable.
Then
there are relationships that are classified as ‘close’ in accordance to depth. I
do have a friend whom I don’t see very often, perhaps one or twice a month, but
every time we are together we engage in very deep and meaningful conversations.
Some of them are highly personal and emotional. To this kind of friend one
could reveal self information that makes me feel quite vulnerable.
I
have found through observation that such ‘deep’ relationships are extremely
meaningful however, tend to be shrouded and under the higher risk of disintegration,
especially in their onset. High exposure and vulnerability tend to be
associated with high insecurity. We are relieved to find a medium to express
our most secret thoughts, however it is safer to be with someone who likes us,
yet doesn’t know of all our vulnerabilities, in case they may use it against it
in one way or another.
“Deep
friendships” are so rewarding yet they don’t tend to last as long as ‘Duration
friendships”
Of
course in practical sense, most of our relationships are a mix of both depth
and duration. And some don’t relationships seem to fit in either category. A
shallow and short lived relationship is also possible. This theory seems to
address the sort of human relationships in which we would name as “close”.
