CREATE CREATE CREATE

I've been uneasy lately. It's usually related to the fact that when I spend alot of time at home and alone I come to terms with thoughts and feelings within me I dont typically have time to acknolwedge on a  busy day. The hustle and bustle of life, doesnt encourage much reflection. It could allow it of course, if you put in the will to do so...and I've havent really. There are so many new things in my life and new feelings and questions that I have no answers to and would rather avoid pondering too deeply about in the time being.
However, up bobbed a floater in my little ocean of thought...I realized why I've been feeling particularly frustrated lately. I have a sense that something's not quite right...or I should be doing something and I'm not...but didnt know what it was exactly.
I realized what it is...I've stopped creating.
I am only consumed by the creations of others and not creating anything of my own. Listening to other people's songs, when I could be composing my own. Watching other people's movies, when I could be writing one of my own. Reading other people's posts, when I could be reflecting on my own life and documenting it. I'm pro at looking research papers up and summarizing its content...but it's none of my own, it's always someone else's work and effort.
 It's one of the reasons I despise social media actually...it allows you to consume more than you can produce. I didnt quit social media for years for no reason...and during those couple of years I was most productive.
Am I shifting the blame on external causes instead of blaming myself? External locus of control much, wiggy?
Yes
Something in me is crying out to create.
I  MUST CREATE SOMETHING.
I feel accomplished and satisfied when I have the ability to collect raw 'material' from the world around me and process it in my own way and produce something out of it.
I need to create something that pulsates with similar vibes to mine.
I believe that inside every human is this drive to create. Could be as primal as the evolutionary drive to create offspring. Perhaps.
As intruiging as it is to have offspring and all...I dont think they're your creation afterall. You can't own your children and the delusion that you can is oftentimes the source of bullshit in people's lives. But that's another thing for another day.
But I've fallen off track. I think the idea of creation is not to possess. The idea of creating something is to just create it and let it go.
You've created a new tune or a poem or a sculpture or a new piece of evidence for some phenomenon...what shall one do with it other than release out there and let it roam. It can fall straight to the ground or it can float for a while...or it can soar up and rise and leave you entirely.
You've given it life now you let it go.
That's the idea that inspires me....that one is capable of creating and releasing it into this massive ocean of life.