The fire

Today there was a fire in our hospital. It was quite a disturbing ordeal for me and pretty much everyone. I didn't realize how much I cared for the patients until I observed myself actually brimming with years when they were shouting from the window and when they finally exited the wards and escorted down I struggled through the messy and havoc laden crowds to reach them. As I was passing each person and looking at their faces and asking them if they were ok I was crying. I was so relieved to see their faces again and see them safe and sound. They were either sitting or standing there confused. A middle aged man curled in a ball on the floor and grasping the metal rails saying that this was the end of him. He was terrified and rocking to and fro. Another man collapsed and lay with his eyes open staring into the sky and not responding to anyone. A young woman screeching in distress followed by uncontrollable laughter. People were confused. Some were asking if they could drink now or should they wait longer until they have their ECT session today. a teenr asked my to help him find his slipper as he had cold feet and he just awoke out of the ECT session barefoot. It was a sight to see. The people whom I hGgggg had rhodidn didn't think much of..Now were the dearest to me. My heart was brimming with tolerance and kindness directed to them all..They all looked so vulnerable and scared in one form or another it moved me.

An hour later when they were safely transported back up to the wards they are put in a room to be reassured and to be asked about what had happened..How did the fire start and what did everyone feel during this time. They were sitting in a circle except for a few scattered peripheral patients. One of the peripheral patients was a middle aged man diagnosed with schizophrenia standing still arms by his side rocking gently and staring at the floor smiling to himself. He didn't seem quite concerned. Another man was standing by the window gasping for breath despite the fact that there was no smoke nearby. Another was chattering quietly to himself. Another one in the group was having an occulogyric crisis, his eyes kept going upwards without his control. Other patients would pat him on his back and tell him to try to put his eyes down. Another patient expressed aloud how he can't trust anyone anymore and that he is paranoid that all of this happened is in order to hurt him and that the only solution is that he goes to jail to get away from it all...A young man with bipolar mania jokingly asks him if the takes drugs because he himself used to get paranoid when he too cannabis and the guy just shook his head and said no..Not me. Another one started stating that Germany knew all about him and his work and perhaps they're waiting for him to give them the signal. Another patient was giving hand signals to other patients which was recieved by black stares from the others. Some of them were just sitting there quietly listening to everything. Every single person was spontaneously themselves. It was a beautiful sight to see each individual respond so uniquely and so authentically. As silly as this sound but seeing this today made me realize that I am working in a mental institution and I felt good around these people and that they deserve care and kindness and treatment. It made me realize the sheer vulnerability of these people and how it doesn't take anyone to help them. I can help when I truly care about them. And they deserve it